One of my favorite qualities about myself is that I am a good friend. Not only am I willing to listen to those I care about, I am always looking for ways to help, to serve, and to be a good support to those I call friends. I call a lot of people friends that most others would probably just call acquaintances, but maybe that’s the Mormon in me who’s so friendly.
I think my appreciation and love for friendship stems from the times I didn’t have any friends. I specifically remember in the 9th grade I was very lonely. I was going to a school with approximately 3,000 students, I was an awkward, chubby, nerdy kid who wouldn’t shut up about World of Warcraft, and I didn’t really understand the vagaries of social interaction. I had classes with some people I knew from middle school, but mostly was on my own. At this time, my dad knew that he had to be my friend. Even though that sounds kind of lame, he definitely helped assuage some of the grief that comes from feeling alone. It was also at this time that he was serving as the bishop of our local ward, and a phrase he brought up that has stuck in my mind is that there are people out there that are suffering from “crushing loneliness”.
Crushing. Loneliness. It evokes quite an image, and it did in my 9th-grade brain. Because I have so deeply felt the wounds of loneliness, I think that is why I pride myself on my ability to be a friend. Whether that is hosting people, going to weddings or other important events, helping others move, delivering cookies, listening to problems, or just being there to give a smile and a joke, friendship takes many forms and is a valuable thing that makes us better people.
Oscar Wilde, the famous playwright and author, said this:
If after I am free a friend of mine gave a feast, and did not invite me to it, I should not mind a bit. I can be perfectly happy by myself. With freedom, flowers, books, and the moon, who could not be perfectly happy? Besides, feasts are not for me any more. I have given too many to care about them. That side of life is over for me, very fortunately, I dare say. But if after I am free a friend of mine had a sorrow and refused to allow me to share it, I should feel it most bitterly. If he shut the doors of the house of mourning against me, I would come back again and again and beg to be admitted, so that I might share in what I was entitled to share in. If he thought me unworthy, unfit to weep with him, I should feel it as the most poignant humiliation, as the most terrible mode in which disgrace could be inflicted on me. But that could not be. I have a right to share in sorrow, and he who can look at the loveliness of the world and share its sorrow, and realise something of the wonder of both, is in immediate contact with divine things, and has got as near to God’s secret as any one can get.
A couple weeks ago I started to feel pretty down. It wasn’t any single thing that had me feeling depressed, but I was acutely feeling lonely. I felt like I am good at reaching out to people and letting them know I care about them, but I felt like no one did that for me. It was weighing heavily on my mind. And then something pretty cool happened.
In the Book of Mormon, in 1 Nephi 1:20, it reads:
And when the Jews heard these things they were angry with him; yea, even as with the prophets of old, whom they had cast out, and stoned, and slain; and they also sought his life, that they might take it away. But behold, I, Nephi, will show unto you that the tender mercies of the Lord are over all those whom he hath chosen, because of their faith, to make them mighty even unto the power of deliverance.
I fully believe that God hears and answers prayers, and I fully believe that those prayers are often answered in ways that we don’t realize. I also believe that God hears the unspoken prayers of the heart. And so, right in the middle of me feeling down about my abilities as a friend, I got this message on Facebook:
I know we don’t talk much, but I always enjoyed spending time with you. Always entertaining, but more importantly, you were kind and didn’t judge others. You’re a good example of a saint and priesthood holder. I hope you’re doing well brother!
And then, when I was driving to run an errand, a friend randomly texted me about Homestar Runner.
And then, on my way to Ultimate Frisbee on Friday, I called and spoke with an old friend for about 20 minutes.
And then, last night, a good friend of mine told me that “I am a good, supportive friend – not just to me, but to others as well.”
So even though I was feeling down and I hadn’t voiced these concerns to God, I still had an unspoken prayer answered. I felt like even though I may not always hear back from people I care about or immediately receive a response, my friendship is appreciated. And despite the distance, whether physically or temporally, friendship can persist throughout the years.
Thanks for being my friend.
Nate Livsey 