By Nate Livsey In the 8 years since I wrote the previous piece on this blog, I've gone through a lot of changes. I was hospitalized for a suicide attempt and suicidal ideation twice, and I experienced a lot of heartache and difficulty - some directly attributable to mental illness, some just because of the … Continue reading Floodlights: A Retrospective

By Nate Livsey Author's Note: I wrote this piece about 8 years ago. I've grown and changed in a lot of ways, but in a lot of ways I've stayed the same. This can be a heavy piece to read, so please be sure you're in a good state of mind beforehand. TW: suicide, self-harm … Continue reading Flashlights

The American poet Edward Estlin Cummings eschewed traditional rules of grammar, spelling, and syntax. His byline was simply e.e. cummings and he often did not include spaces between commas, periods, and other punctuation. One of my favorite poems was written by Mr. Cummings. I first became aware of it based on the first and last … Continue reading On the Birth of My Son

I am a people pleaser. It's one of my worst traits. I don't care what people think about me, but I want them to like me. As such, I've spent a lot of time working on being kind not only to others, but also to myself. A hard lesson I learned was that no matter … Continue reading Why I Deliver Cookies

What is it about music that helps us to heal? This past week, I was on Spring Break. I teach 9th grade English and it was a much-needed respite from grading, planning, and teaching. On Monday, March 14th, one of my favorite bands had a show scheduled in Orlando and I made the drive down … Continue reading I Hope You Never Leave Me Be

About 8 years ago I stumbled upon the comedian Pete Holmes. It was around 11 PM in an Orlando hotel room and I randomly flipped the channel to Comedy Central and found him giving the last bit of a standup set. It was hilarious, and I thought I'd never see it again. And then I … Continue reading Good Moods and School Crossing Guards

Every so often, there is a work of art that strikes me in a way that has a lasting impact on how I view the world, or reinforces a particular belief I have. The first time I heard "3rd Planet" by the band Modest Mouse quite literally changed how I looked at music. When I … Continue reading Midnight Mass

By Nate Livsey Author's Note: I was asked to speak on this topic in church. Some people asked for access to this talk and so I posted it here for easy access. If you are unfamiliar with a sacrament meeting within The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, members are often asked to speak … Continue reading Dealing with Mental Health from a Spiritual Standpoint

What do they teach us about ourselves? I didn't think it would end this way.End? No, the journey doesn't end here. Death is just another path--one that we all must take. The gray rain-curtain of this world rolls back and all turns to silver glass. . . and then you see it. . .What, Gandalf? … Continue reading Untimely Deaths

In 2016, the post-hardcore band Touché Amoré released their fourth album, Stage Four, which explores lead singer Jeremy Bolm's emotions, experiences, and grief over the death of his mother from cancer. It is a brutal, honest record that does not pull any punches. It is a record about death, confusion, grief--but also hope, and finding … Continue reading On Vulnerability